there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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