Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
