well you can't waste a boner
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
