Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
