just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She announced her abortion via fbk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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