CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
