I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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