i think my tv is drunk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
