he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
