There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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