It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
