I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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