Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
