So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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