...so i touched it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
