just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
