I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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