He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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