I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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