Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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