I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
