why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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