it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
