tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
