My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
