Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
