Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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