why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
