I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
