I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
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Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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