In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And then he peed in my hair
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