no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
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He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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