I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
