some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
