did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
