2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
