I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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