Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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