There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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