I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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