I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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