Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
