Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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