I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
