Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You can't special order awesome
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
