I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
