he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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