So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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