He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My cat gives me a boner
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
