after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
