i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
