His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
