God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
