I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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