my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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