ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
