Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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