whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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