i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
