How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
