that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
