i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
