Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
