Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
