We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
