fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
