True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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