I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
