I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
