Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
