the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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