Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
