Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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