I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
