Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
