i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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