It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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