while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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