You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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