And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
