I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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