You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
