They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Watching her eat just hurts me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
