Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
