He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize